Raul woke up on a Wednesday, with a legendary hangover. His massive German Shepherd was licking his face. Raul got up off the floor and looked around his wrecked apartment. He walked over to the kitchen sink. The counters were covered in empty pizza boxes, and both empty liquor and pill bottles. The dog stared at Raul. Raul slowly filled a vodka bottle 2/3 of the way with water and pressed it to his lips. The tap water had a strong sulfur taste, and combined with the alcoholic aroma of the old liquor bottle, it took all of Raul's concentration to not throw up. Raul poured some kibble into the dog's bowl. The German Shepherd pawed at the bowl, disinterested. Raul put his hand on the dog's gigantic head, petting it lightly.
His landline telephone rang, interrupting the silence. Raul tossed a handful of multicolored pills into his mouth, chewing them up as he answered.
"Hello?"
"It's Joe. You sound funny, what's the matter with you?"
"Nothing," Raul responded, marblemouthedly as he crunched up the pills between his yellowed, rotten teeth.
"Alright. You wanna grab some beers? Meet me at the bar by your place."
"Sure," Raul said, the tone of his voice wavering between enthusiasm and trepidation.
Raul was still in the clothes he wore yesterday. He grabbed his keys, adjusted his dick in his jeans and left the apartment. The walk to the bar was about 10 minutes, but Raul knew that he could make it in 5 if he went through the alleyway between the new condominium construction site and the old canal warehouse. The alleyway stunk like trash and like the thick, black water that just barely flowed through the canal, but it was safe enough during the day that he had no qualms about using the shortcut. His hangover would thank him once he got that first drink down, and the sooner the better.
Raul staggered into the bar. His clothes were haggard and he was trembling, maybe from delirium tremens, or the pills he had eaten earlier, or both. The bartender poured him a beer before he sat down. Joe was already there, four empty shotglasses lined up in front of him. Joe slammed a handful of crumpled bills down onto the bar and held up 4 fingers. The bartender silently took the money and poured them each 2 shots of whiskey. Joe looked better than usual. Raul couldn't quite place it at first but then it hit him: Joe was wearing clean clothes.
"Job interview today?"
"Huh?"
"What's with the clothes," Raul asked.
"Ah, nothin'."
They drank the shots. The two continued making small talk and repeating the ritual of slamming down the money and guzzling the liquor. The alcohol binge and banter session went on until closing time without much event. Closing time came. The two men, now broke and drunk, staggered out into the street. They planned to keep drinking at Raul's shithole apartment. It was a dark night, illuminated only by the subdued shining of the waning moon.
The two drunks shuffled through the dimly lit alleyway. Raul slurred nonsense and Joe nodded understandingly. About midway through the alley, Joe stopped to urinate on a dumpster. He leaned precariously, like a man standing in a canoe, and emptied nearly quart of urine onto the side of the dumpster. That's when they saw him.
A shirtless man in cut-off jeans threw the top of the dumpster open and leaped out. His hulking frame was covered in white supremacist tattoos. Even in the darkness, the drunks could make a Schutzstaffel iron eagle across his chest. The shirtless man furrowed his brow, deeply folding the big swastika tattooed on his forehead.
"Suck my dick you motherfucker," the Nazi yelled.
And just like that, Joe sucked the Nazi's dick. Raul was perplexed. Joe wasn't gay. The guy didn't even have a gun. He didn't hit him or do anything. And here's Joe, sucking the guy's dick like it's the dick sucking olympics. The Nazi was grunting now and thrusting away while gripping Joe's head. Raul walked away in disbelief, back to his apartment.
About 15 minutes later, Joe showed up. His new clothes were torn and soiled. Raul let him in, staring at him wide-eyed.
Before Raul could say anything, the giant German Shepherd traipsed over to them.
"Suck my dick you motherfucker," the dog said with confidence.
And Joe sucked the German Shepherd's dog dick, with gusto, right there in the filthy apartment.
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