Culinary School

Barack Obama sat in the Oval Office, brooding over a stack of papers. He took out his crayons and scribbled furiously, drawing a crude scene of a pine forest. Obama grabbed a deep brown crayon and began to draw a grizzly bear. The grizzly bear was leaning forward, holding a salmon in his gnashed teeth. Beneath the bear, Obama drew a man. The bear had the man pinned face-down beneath his poorly-drawn paws. The man was being fucked in the ass by the bear. Obama accented the scene with a few squiggly lines to show the thrusting motion that the bear was making.

Obama stood up at his desk. He held his drawing in his scaly hands. His tongue flicked in and out of his mouth. He was very pleased with the drawing.

Obama's days in the Oval Office were not always so relaxing. Just a week ago he was embroiled in a vicious prank war with one of the sous-chefs in the White House kitchen. The sous-chef's name was Julio. Julio was a cantankerous alcoholic. He drank cooking wine in the kitchen all day and also all night. In spite of Julio's faults he had an excellent sense of humor.

Obama was meeting with the Japanese Prime Minister. They called the kitchen for an opulent lunch to be delivered immediately to the Oval Office. Julio had planned for this moment. He made a last minute substitution to the food cart, replacing Obama's requested seasonal pumpkin soup with an ornate gilded bowl filled with urine with chunks of human feces floating in it. Julio gagged at how disgusting the replacement soup was. Obama and the Prime Minister recoiled in horror as it was unveiled from beneath the cloche and served to them.

Without missing a beat Obama snapped his fingers and five Secret Service agents rushed into the kitchen. Four of them held down Julio, while the fifth undid his pants and jerked Julio off with high-quality gourmet olive oil. Julio struggled to get free but he could not break the grip of the four men holding him down. The workers in the kitchen were aghast, except for a few Ecuadorian line cooks that saw Julio send up the shit soup to Obama. They laughed like hyenas as the Secret Service jerked off Julio.

After about 2 minutes of being vigorously jerked off, a stale, grey load of jism exploded out of Julio's penis and the Secret Service agents reported back to Obama. The President of the United States laughed and high-fived the Japanese Prime Minister. The two men then sat and each chowed down on the urine and shit soup, stopping only to smirk and look at each other knowingly.