Bad Moon Waning

Last night I went out into my spacious backyard and looked up at the moon like I always do. But, this time I realized something. I realized that this moon is bad. Not bad like the the milk you forgot to unpack from the trunk of your car while you impulsively picked up a hooker instead of taking it home to put in the fridge. Remember, readers, never spend for sex. Only for rainy days. That's what that musical Singing in the Rain was all about, but I digress.

This moon is bad. As we face the inevitable mocking looks from its 33% waned state, we must realize that one day the moon is going to act against us on earth. It is trying to force us into the status quo. The moon does this by a simple deception. The moon is not visible because it reflects the light of the sun as was misguidedly thought by astronomers and scientists of the past. It actually is a negative light source. So when we think the moon is full, the moon is really empty. And when the moon is empty, it is really full. The empty moon absorbs all the light because it is at its full power. The moon gets its power from the ocean, the dark trenches of which cannot be penetrated by the rays of the sun or even the hardest member.

So the link between the ocean and the moon is established. Because of this I have filled my bathtub completely to the top with unflavored gelatin, and I am going to lay submerged in it, using a hollow reed as a snorkel until I can diminish the influence of the moon in my life.

If laying in a bathtub full of gelatin is so simple and rewarding in terms of solving life's problems, imagine if this principle was applied to health, security and education!