ADIDAS

I normally wouldn't entertain product endorsements in this space. However, because I have very narrow feet, I am partial to wearing Adidas Samba soccer sneakers. They are comfortable and I go through them like I did Trojan condoms at whorehouses in Ho Chi Minh City. I'm not here to talk about Vietnam. I don't want to talk about it and I never did mean to get so involved there. There's something about starting something that makes me want to finish it. And maybe some day I'll go back and finish it. But that isn't what this is all about.

Adidas. Some say it is an acronym for "all day I dream about sex". Everyone knows that isn't true. For starters, shoes don't dream about sex. And I don't dream about sex either. When I want sex there's no point in dreaming about it. When you want a cheeseburger, you don't dream about it. You go to McDonald's. And I do the same thing with sex.

You see, there is a much more sinister meaning behind Adidas. And Adidas has been trying to keep it secret from their consumers. I realized this today while looking at my new Sambas in the foot height angled mirror at Finish Line. SADIDA.

"But what could it mean?", you ask. SADIDA. And then it hit me like a bolt from the blue. "Stick a dick in Dad's ass".