I sat down today with a singular goal: to realize how great I am. I sat in one place today, staring at the wall, trying to think of something I didn't know. I couldn't think of anything I didn't know. Everything I know, I know. There's nothing I know that I don't. I starting asking myself questions, and I knew the answers to all of them. Then I realized there must be a flaw. Maybe I couldn't ask myself questions I didn't know the answers to. But oh, dear reader, I bet you thought that was a hole in my reasoning. Your assumption that I wouldn't take this into consideration proves that I'm always one step ahead. I started looking up information to quiz myself on. I found that even when I didn't know, I could know, and found out (potential for knowledge is just as good as knowledge.) It was amazing, and all the amazingness made me hungry.
You'd think that's where my productive day ended. But that would make your SECOND false assumption this blog. I ordered chinese food. It came in thirty minutes. I will post an analysis of all the chinese food delivery places in my area soon, but I'll save that for another blog. Right now it's not so important what I ate. I ate egg roll for strength. Egg Roll is also important because it's the eastern dollar menu. there's not much you can get for a dollar anymore, unless you're paying a dollar worth of gold. The egg roll was good. Immediately I felt like I could do Tae Kwon Do. I finished my Egg Roll, but that's not where the chinese food ends. You forgot the fortune cookie, but I didn't. I opened my fortune cookie and ate it. Looking down, I read my fortune cookie, and to my surprise, it said:
YOU WILL BE HUNGRY AGAIN SOON, ORDER MORE CHINESE FOOD.
I was skeptical, but, in the east they have a different perspective, and chinese food has been around for 5000 years (100 times longer than Social Security!!) so they must be doing something right, and if they evolved into fortune cookies, maybe there's some merit to it.
I sat and waited. An hour later. I was hungry. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. I walked to the chinese place and ordered more food. I ended up in a conversation with the man there, asking him about the history of fortune cookies. He was cryptic and noncommital. He kept speaking in short sentences that were hard to understand. I knew I was onto something, because he wouldn't give me the information necessary. He kept trying to give me fortune cookies and smiling politely. I was shocked. I almost believed he didn't fully understand me, that's how good he was at hiding the secret to fortune cookies!
I went home, even more determined, and did some research online. "There must be some way I can tap into this eastern knowledge" I thought. My intellectual rigor was awarded when I found this site: http://www.myluckyfortune.com/
You can custom create chinese fortune cookies!!! I custom ordered 200, at ten cents each (they didn't even ask for ten cents of gold!), a small price to pay for controlling the future. Wait til you see what the future holds now. It's going to be crazy. and smart.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
The Free in Freedom
Men think that doing things in the name of freedom makes them free. Your government does this all the time. They are not my government. They do violence in our names and cheapen the dollar until it is worth even less than the flimsy cardstock that Driver Licenses are printed on.
I have been right in the past. When you count up the amount of times that I have been right in the past, you will see that I will be right in the future. The reason is simple: logic appeals to reason. My strategy is logical, so it must be reasonable. Since it is reasonable, it is right. You cannot argue with logic.
Because I am logical, you cannot argue with me. This is the transparency that the world strives for. My goals are plain and my methods are clear. If only more people were heeding my advice. Soon they won't be able to afford even a handful of dirt to put in their starving mouths. They won't be able to afford fresh glasses of champagne to put their cigarettes out in. They'll have to reuse the old champagne. Even the government will be eliminated as the government realizes that they don't have enough money to pay for the government.
Worse yet, all families are governments that cannot pay for themselves., and all governments are families that cannot afford a pot to piss in. See, that all families are governments. That is self evident. Because all families are governments, so too are all governments families. Because of this, we are all related as people. That is the proof for why anybody who has ever fucked you over is not actually a person, because they are a government.
It is on us. The onus lays with the citizenry to escape from their family and their government and start a new family and a new government before it all comes crashing down. You can be sure that when it does, there is no room in my chamberpot for all your shit. Not unless you give me 50% and obey my violence. This is a natural construct.
Freedom. It's naturally free.
I have been right in the past. When you count up the amount of times that I have been right in the past, you will see that I will be right in the future. The reason is simple: logic appeals to reason. My strategy is logical, so it must be reasonable. Since it is reasonable, it is right. You cannot argue with logic.
Because I am logical, you cannot argue with me. This is the transparency that the world strives for. My goals are plain and my methods are clear. If only more people were heeding my advice. Soon they won't be able to afford even a handful of dirt to put in their starving mouths. They won't be able to afford fresh glasses of champagne to put their cigarettes out in. They'll have to reuse the old champagne. Even the government will be eliminated as the government realizes that they don't have enough money to pay for the government.
Worse yet, all families are governments that cannot pay for themselves., and all governments are families that cannot afford a pot to piss in. See, that all families are governments. That is self evident. Because all families are governments, so too are all governments families. Because of this, we are all related as people. That is the proof for why anybody who has ever fucked you over is not actually a person, because they are a government.
It is on us. The onus lays with the citizenry to escape from their family and their government and start a new family and a new government before it all comes crashing down. You can be sure that when it does, there is no room in my chamberpot for all your shit. Not unless you give me 50% and obey my violence. This is a natural construct.
Freedom. It's naturally free.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Economy of Money
The economy of money is ruined. The bankruptcy of the United States is at hand. New Age morality will never be able to act as a substitute for the Stone Age level of financiality we have reached.
In times like these, we must turn to a tried and true recipe for improvement. It has been a while since I posted a recipe, and the emails from the readership have been crying out for one. The lemon angel.
You'll need:
PREHEAT OVEN TO 375 DEGREES
1. In a small bowl or 2 cup measuring cup, beat the egg until foamy.
2. Add the buttermilk and vanilla and blend well.
3. Add the baking soda, one teaspoonful at a time, sprinkling it in and beating until the mixture is smooth and the consistency of light cream.
4. Add the lemon juice all at once and blend into the mixture. Stir, but do not beat (you want it creamy, but without a lot of air)
5. The mixture will congeal into a pasty lump. Scoop it out of the bowl with a spatula and spread it on a floured surface.
6. Sift the flour and 3/4 cup of the sugar together and use the fingertips to work it into the egg- lemon mixture.
7. With a floured rolling pin, roll the dough out 1/32' thick and with the tip of a sharp knife, cut out 'angel' shapes and twist the edges up to form a shell-like curve about 3/8" high. Sprinkle on the remainder of the sugar.
8. Brush each 'angel' with melted butter. 9. Place the angels one inch apart on an ungreased baking sheet and bake for 12 minutes or until golden brown.
These tasty lemon angels will make you the talk of any potluck party. You too can crawl out from under the rock of the national debt and the tanking economy and the heavy weight of the skeletons in your closet. Remember, a man holding a basket of eggs does not dance on stones.
In times like these, we must turn to a tried and true recipe for improvement. It has been a while since I posted a recipe, and the emails from the readership have been crying out for one. The lemon angel.
You'll need:
| 1 | Egg |
| ½ cup | Buttermilk (or 1/4 c. milk a nd 1/4 cup vinegar |
| 5 teaspoon | Baking soda |
| ½ teaspoon | Vanilla |
| 1 cup | Lemon juice (fresh is best) |
| 1¼ cup | Sugar |
| ⅞ cup | All purpose flour |
| 8 tablespoon | Butter or margarine, melted |
PREHEAT OVEN TO 375 DEGREES
1. In a small bowl or 2 cup measuring cup, beat the egg until foamy.
2. Add the buttermilk and vanilla and blend well.
3. Add the baking soda, one teaspoonful at a time, sprinkling it in and beating until the mixture is smooth and the consistency of light cream.
4. Add the lemon juice all at once and blend into the mixture. Stir, but do not beat (you want it creamy, but without a lot of air)
5. The mixture will congeal into a pasty lump. Scoop it out of the bowl with a spatula and spread it on a floured surface.
6. Sift the flour and 3/4 cup of the sugar together and use the fingertips to work it into the egg- lemon mixture.
7. With a floured rolling pin, roll the dough out 1/32' thick and with the tip of a sharp knife, cut out 'angel' shapes and twist the edges up to form a shell-like curve about 3/8" high. Sprinkle on the remainder of the sugar.
8. Brush each 'angel' with melted butter. 9. Place the angels one inch apart on an ungreased baking sheet and bake for 12 minutes or until golden brown.
These tasty lemon angels will make you the talk of any potluck party. You too can crawl out from under the rock of the national debt and the tanking economy and the heavy weight of the skeletons in your closet. Remember, a man holding a basket of eggs does not dance on stones.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
ADIDAS
I normally wouldn't entertain product endorsements in this space. However, because I have very narrow feet, I am partial to wearing Adidas Samba soccer sneakers. They are comfortable and I go through them like I did Trojan condoms at whorehouses in Ho Chi Minh City. I'm not here to talk about Vietnam. I don't want to talk about it and I never did mean to get so involved there. There's something about starting something that makes me want to finish it. And maybe some day I'll go back and finish it. But that isn't what this is all about.
Adidas. Some say it is an acronym for "all day I dream about sex". Everyone knows that isn't true. For starters, shoes don't dream about sex. And I don't dream about sex either. When I want sex there's no point in dreaming about it. When you want a cheeseburger, you don't dream about it. You go to McDonald's. And I do the same thing with sex.
You see, there is a much more sinister meaning behind Adidas. And Adidas has been trying to keep it secret from their consumers. I realized this today while looking at my new Sambas in the foot height angled mirror at Finish Line. SADIDA.
"But what could it mean?", you ask. SADIDA. And then it hit me like a bolt from the blue. "Stick a dick in Dad's ass".
Adidas. Some say it is an acronym for "all day I dream about sex". Everyone knows that isn't true. For starters, shoes don't dream about sex. And I don't dream about sex either. When I want sex there's no point in dreaming about it. When you want a cheeseburger, you don't dream about it. You go to McDonald's. And I do the same thing with sex.
You see, there is a much more sinister meaning behind Adidas. And Adidas has been trying to keep it secret from their consumers. I realized this today while looking at my new Sambas in the foot height angled mirror at Finish Line. SADIDA.
"But what could it mean?", you ask. SADIDA. And then it hit me like a bolt from the blue. "Stick a dick in Dad's ass".
Catastrophy and Opportunity
Readers, I've discovered something that should be just as alarming to your feeble minds as it is to my highly learned one. In the unlikely event that you are standing up while reading this, be sure to have a seat.
There is a whole number between 5 and 6. This number is called "zal". Because of the existence of zal, all calculations done in the past are off by at least 1, and sometimes by thousands because of the existence of zal-hundred and zal-thousand, zal-million and so on. And as a result, the buildings of the world are inherently unstable. Financial account balances are not accurate. Sales of goods are nothing but frauds. Even the materialists have maintained an inaccurate count of their possessions.
Call your congressman and tell them about zal before it is too late. Until then, I am taking advantage of the discrepancy in the price of gold before they correct its value for zal.
There is a whole number between 5 and 6. This number is called "zal". Because of the existence of zal, all calculations done in the past are off by at least 1, and sometimes by thousands because of the existence of zal-hundred and zal-thousand, zal-million and so on. And as a result, the buildings of the world are inherently unstable. Financial account balances are not accurate. Sales of goods are nothing but frauds. Even the materialists have maintained an inaccurate count of their possessions.
Call your congressman and tell them about zal before it is too late. Until then, I am taking advantage of the discrepancy in the price of gold before they correct its value for zal.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Bigger than Jesus...
I am the greatest person you will ever meet.
And you don't even know if you've met me.
Which makes me the greatest person you might/might have meet/met.
Which makes me greater than God.
Which proves that the existence YOU believe in is false.
And you don't even know if you've met me.
Which makes me the greatest person you might/might have meet/met.
Which makes me greater than God.
Which proves that the existence YOU believe in is false.
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