Now and Later

I woke up choking, wrestling the bed sheets. Once you know what it is like to feel, you know you can't just turn it off. Sometimes you'd like to. But most of the time you can't. Sometimes your muscles ache. Sometimes your mind longs for the calm of another era.

I've lived through a thousand deaths. Sometimes you ask, "Is it worse to die, or is it worse to come back?"

It is worse to die. Because I will always come back. I am back now, and I will show you the pain of futures untold, and the mirth of pasts unrealized. If we all could take back, or push forward, there would be no forwards or backwards. We would clamp down hard on the present moment. We would show the agony of a young man birthing Ba'al, unwittingly giving birth through his penis to the rain, to the infinite depth of life.

We subjugate the truth, imparting our own message. The true message is that we live to die. We live for the worst parts of life. We live to prove how bad life can get. And we strive to bring the worst to ourselves. We re-elect the politicians. We re-elect the lipstick testers and the prostitutes of the world.

Thus, to be naked is to be clothed. To have is to have not. And today's damp mist is tomorrow's hot, wet pussy.