The woman isn’t tight enough.

Disorder makes me happy enough. That’s how I used to live, that’s what I used to believe. I burned through women like tires in a tire fire burning until I found my singular woman, leaving them scattered like yogurt on the ground. I burned through her, too. Life was a waste of half empty bottles. The kind you find rats scurrying over in an alley, or broken as beach glass washed up, run over by waves again and again, worn down and pounded into the sand until I was misshapen and no longer opaque. Nothing was clear. She found me more than anything, as I lived life through beer goggles, unable to discern right from wrong, whore from angel. Sometimes they were the same. I used to lie in bed, rolling over, and thinking the titular woman was tight enough. That disorder made me happy. I was vaginated in a haze of beer and smoke. She left and I knew she left. But I didn’t know she left until after she was gone. Such were the times that truths were truths, but not until after when they revealed that they were falsities and only then could be seen as truths.

I awoke one morning to realize that these truths were true only after seeing that they were false, seeing that she left and missing her, the different woman I never saw. The reasoned life I never lived, the disorder that made me happy enough until I realized the falseness of itself. The falseness of its truth. Everything is upside-down until you realize its upside down. From that point on it is right side up. Sometimes you have to stop looking for the truth of things and realize the truth for the lie that it is.

I choose to walk through life not afraid to call truths lies. I see them for what they are. Happy enough isn’t happy. This woman is tight enough doesn’t mean she’s tight. Living a happy life means living a reasoned life. Living a reasoned life, means seeing things as they are. Right now I see the world “government” crumbling and everyone around me are in denial. Oil is skyrocketing, the housing market is crashing, nobody is prepared, and seeing this makes me happy.