Monday, June 23, 2008

Financiality

Today I was on my way to the sustainable organic market to buy free-range chicken when I thought of something. It's been raining for a couple of days and I'm sure it is due to global warming. As the climate change progresses, those of us who are not preparing for a drastic change in the habitability of the earth will have their ways of life undone. This unmaking will lead to their infertility and eventual demise and the start of the 7 biblical plagues.

As the rain drops fall I've realized the importance of divesting my stores of currency and investing in commodities. Amongst these commodities are sustainable agriculture, guns and sex. The necessity of the first two of these things is unquestioned and need not be explained. However, I have realized that buying sex is the key to investing for the future. Sure, some analysts on CNN are going on about investing in gold, or oil, or foreign wars. But I've realized that if we don't stop our institutionalized murder culture and start to buy sex to reproduce, we will run out of people and leave all of our gear as a rotting monument of nothing on the face of God's earth.

So please, tell your friends, tell your parents, buy sex now before it is too late.

1 comment:

the Pope said...

Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it."
Ezra (10:4)